Kingdom Come 2: Chaos and Comedy

Every adventure in Kingdom Come 2 is a unique experience, defined not only by its gritty realism and unforgiving medieval world but also by the wonderfully absurd situations you'll stumble upon. Here are some of the most unforgettable side quests I discovered while exploring Bohemia.

These stories contain no spoilers for the main plot, only the bizarre encounters that showcase the game's unpredictable soul.

Table of Contents

Toiling for Troubadours, Just to Get a Rotten Song Saving a Drunkard Hunter... Only to Take Him to the Pub Facing the Cumans, Then Having a Deep Talk with a Dog Embracing a Life of Crime and Facing the Consequences Selling a Stolen Horse and Encountering Gypsies What Makes Kingdom Come 2 So Remarkable 1 0 Join the Discussion

Toiling for Troubadours, Just to Get a Rotten Song

Nestled in the heart of the map is the quaint town of Želejov, boasting a lavish bathhouse, a fighting pit, and a cozy tavern. Inside, you'll find two layabout minstrels with grand dreams of winning Bohemia's heart with their "magnum opus." Their problem? They're penniless, lack an instrument, and can't decide if their muse is noble virtue or fair maidens.

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Eager to aid these artistic souls, Henry undertakes a string of errands. First, he pinches a lute for them (risking jail and his good name). The musicians promptly break its strings, demanding new ones crafted from sheep gut. Each success brings a new obstacle: with strings in hand, it turns out the bards owe the innkeeper and refuse manual labor, deeming it unfit for their genius.

After hours of running across the countryside, the troubadours finally have it all: an instrument, their freedom, and inspiration. Your reward? A soul-crushingly awful ballad immortalizing Henry's thrilling chores: petty theft, sheep slaughter, and hauling sacks. The townsfolk cringe, Henry is left utterly speechless, and I was howling with laughter.

Saving a Drunkard Hunter... Only to Take Him to the Pub

Remember those lute strings? They need to be made by a local hunter named Vojtěch. There's a catch: Vojtěch is a drunk who wandered into the woods, found a wolf pack, and shimmied up a tree. Naturally, during the rescue, he falls and hurts his leg.

The honorable path is to carry him to safety, save his horse from thieves, and help him dry out. He'd then become a reliable friend, teaching you skills and offering aid. But what if you decide to grant his deepest wish and carry him directly to the nearest tavern?

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I chose the latter, hauling him through forests and over hills. His reaction upon arrival? Pure outrage. "What kind of help is this?! Where am I? How do I get home with this leg? And my horse? You fool!"

Vojtěch refused further help and hobbled off, cursing. Our next meeting was even better; he scowled and offered me the finest view behind his hut as payment. "It's the best I can do," he grumbled.

Facing the Cumans, Then Having a Deep Talk with a Dog

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In Kingdom Come, the Cumans are the villains who destroyed Henry's home and killed his family. So when I heard they were causing trouble at a tavern, I saw red. Sword in hand, I marched to their camp, ready for righteous payback.

Reality had other plans. Instead of bloodthirsty marauders, I found a bunch of chatty fellows looking for company. Minutes later, I was playing matchmaker for one of them. Soon after, we'd drained the camp of ale. Not long after that, we were all singing a ridiculous song at the top of our lungs.

Just as the party peaked, a talking dog cut in. He launched into a lecture on life's meaning and my supposed destiny. Inspired (or just drunk), I accepted his dare to swim across a lake, triggering the "Don't Drown!" quest. I somehow survived, laughing uncontrollably the whole time.

Embracing a Life of Crime and Facing the Consequences

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By the 30-hour mark, I was a master thief. By hour 31, I was Bohemia's most wanted. How? One botched job. Dressed in black, I sneaked into a guard barracks and looted expensive armor. On my way out, a civilian spotted me but did nothing. No big deal, right?

Wrong. The next morning, guards burst into my room. "We've had a robbery, and you were seen lurking. Empty your pockets!" I talked my way out, only later realizing I still wore stolen trinkets and reeked of the crime scene. It wasn't the theft that betrayed me—it was the lingering evidence.

Have you ever seen such meticulous attention to detail? Neither have I.

Selling a Stolen Horse and Encountering Gypsies

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Under a full moon, I spotted a fine horse in a field. With its owners asleep, I mounted up and rode straight for the gypsy camp. Their horse trader, Mikolaj, has a known fondness for hot merchandise. A perfect plan.

Not quite. Mikolaj was asleep. Dismounting spooked the horse, and it bolted home before I could secure it. Determined, I left the game running overnight. At dawn, Mikolaj spent ten painfully realistic minutes eating porridge, scratching, and muttering before finally buying the horse. The lesson was clear: in Kingdom Come 2, even a simple scheme turns into a comedic epic.

What Makes Kingdom Come 2 So Remarkable

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These stories are just a glimpse of what sets Kingdom Come 2 apart. Every choice, no matter how small, sends ripples through the world in unexpected ways. Whether you're delivering drunks to pubs, seeking wisdom from dogs, or dodging the law, the game is packed with moments of pure, unscripted entertainment. Its dedication to a living, breathing world ensures no two journeys are the same, making it an essential experience for any RPG fan.

Bohemia is calling.